


Call Me Maybe

by grimBleeper_Arcas_Corricol



Series: NeoUniStuck [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Awkward Crush, Coffee Shops, Dave Swearing, Fluff, Karkat Swearing, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-26
Updated: 2016-01-22
Packaged: 2018-04-23 13:22:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 19,286
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4878460
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grimBleeper_Arcas_Corricol/pseuds/grimBleeper_Arcas_Corricol
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>How Dave and Karkat meet, fluffy mutual crushes but this tension will go unresolved, Dave is the one who's a bit more open to getting to know each other but Karkat's default setting is crabby</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Don't Ask Me I'll Never Tell

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah, I know, this still isn’t anything that I’ve planned, forecasted or prophesised but this one is something that struck me as fun and snappy. I did a bit of binging of significant pop music from the past few years and I came across the miracle that is Call Me Maybe, (a) it’s a catchy, upbeat, and all-round fun song, (b) the music video is probably the funniest music video that I have ever seen, and (c) dem abs … and pecs … please wait while I go rewatch it. Ok, back, anyways, this song inspired me to write some DaveKat and here it shall be, loosely based on some aspects of the song and music video, without further ado, let’s go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Act 1- Call Me Maybe

It was a pretty nice day for just being outside what with the extended period of rain during the last few days. While I usually sat at my desk with my headphones on and the music blaring, the repeated tapping of the water on tiled roof got annoying fast. I wouldn’t have worried about it too much if it wasn’t for what seemed like cyclone speed winds, harsh whooshing noises which shook the windows and the foundations of the dorms. It was pretty bright out right now and now that the wind had ceased or simmered down, it was a perfect day for photography. I lay down on the grassy ground, resting on my stomach and elbows as I set up the tiny tripod for my camera. I picked it back up off the ground and tweaked the stand, lengthening it to adjust to the contours of the ground; the lens was positioned parallel to the ground, its field of vision including the dirt base while capturing the clear horizon. I fiddled with the lens to make sure it wasn’t too zoomed in; it was pretty much touching the grass, after all. The water droplets hanging off the blades of grass was beautiful even though I had gigabytes worth of similar photos stored in my portable hard drive, the light splitting and refracting never grew old and the still images preserved this natural beauty even when the moment faded. The fact that there was barely anyone wandering around on campus on this day just made it better, no significant background noise and chatter, just me, my camera, and my subjects. My t-shirt was slightly damp from lying down but I didn’t mind. The grass brushed around my arm, tickling it, but this didn’t disturb me from my project, I wasn’t allergic or anything. I pressed down on the button and picked up the camera again after the tell-tale click. I hooked it up to my laptop and I moved it onto the portable hard drive into the folder with its photographic kin, I moved over to underneath a large tree, the shadow not covering my body but its presence was comforting, I let my head rest on the inclined section of the hill and stared past the branches into the sky. While the sun was present, my sunglasses blocked off most of its usual harsh light. Only the barest remnants of cloud were visible and even those were dispersing, I watched the shapes, the wisps of water vapour, dust, and whatever miracles clouds were made of, it wasn’t exactly easy to be depressed when there was so much beauty in everything. I felt my eyes flutter open as my internal analysis went on and I knew the clutches of sleep were tightening, I could feel the corners of my mouth quirking upwards at this cliché and the silent acknowledgement of this wasn’t enough to deter the fact that it was a good day.

\---

I didn’t dream of anything, I just lay there blissfully unaware until an arm wrapped around my shoulders and squeezed them, shaking me from my unconsciousness. “Hey, buddy” the voice was cheerful and bright, kinda high but recognisable as male.

I composed myself internally while I kept my face impassive “’Sup bro?”

“Heheh, not much, how were today’s photos?”

“Absolutely sweet, do you want to see them?” I pressed on the power button on the laptop, the screen fading back into activity while I switched over to the photo gallery.

“Mhm” he leaned his head on my shoulder as I opened the file, he had seen enough of my works to know the basics of photography and the wonders of lighting and juxtaposition. “Where was this one?”

“Over that-a-way, if I remember correctly” I pointed lazily over to near the sidewalk.

“New position, cool, so are you heading over to work early with me or are you going to come later?”

“I’ll come now, not like I’m doing anything right now anyways” I leaned away from him before standing up, patting my behind and back to brush off stray strands of grass, while my pants were slightly damp, I wasn’t worried, the walk over to the coffee shop would have it dried out by the time I reached it. He stood up beside me, he stood at around 175cm, some would say average and others would say slightly below average but he had always been just slightly shorter than me, kinda like a younger brother even though he was from another mother.

He joked about the other students in his class, one having come back from overseas and another who had gone up north for her holiday. It was fun to listen to his day to day recountings no matter how droll they seemed, it was like listening to a podcast but you were a semi-regular guest. I reached my hand up to my forehead to brush a stray strand of hair away from my eyes and tucked it behind my ear. He was now talking about how some historical experiment that he and the others had been lectured on, but the coffee shop was coming up and I followed him in, he occasionally looked over his shoulder at me and I kept a small grin on my face. I took down my uniform and slipped it on, pulling on the straps of the apron to tighten them around me. I turned around and followed John out the door and to the counter, it was a warm day but that didn’t stop the customers from queueing up. There were mostly repeat customers with a few fresh faces, Eridan, my boss, stopped John and I before we got to the counter though, the purple streak in his hair didn’t really fit in with his senior and superior-seeming attitude but he was a good boss. “Did you two get my text message?”

“Oh yeah, something about a new hire, is he here already?” there was someone in a uniform near the counter who I hadn’t seen before.

Eridan sighed “Mhm, new guy’s right there, seems a bit crabby but he’s a cool enough guy if you get to know him well enough, just don’t start anythin’ and we’ll be fine and dandy” he pointed towards the figure at the counter with a ringed finger, he wore a proverbial fuckton of them and they seemed kinda genuine, I had no idea what someone like Eridan was doing managing a coffee shop, though.

“No problem” John piped up from behind me. John and I went to the counter to start work and while I opened up another queue, John started talking with the new guy, I kept my face forward and my eyes on the customer but I let my attention wander over to their conversation, listening to them as an afterthought. This customer was one of your regulars, he actually lived in the same dorm as me and i had gone to him for some tech support which I had of course paid back with coffee on my tab, he spoke with a slight lisp from where his tongue was split and he usually asked for honey instead of sugar. I liked to think that I prided myself on how I could speak with my customers, sometimes they would be a bit annoyed with the time I took with each one of them but they never complained to my face, I was just someone anonymous that they could unload on.

“Hey, I recognise you” John’s voice wasn’t especially audible to others but I could hear it.

“Yeah, congratulations, you want a medal?” the guy didn’t seem particularly chuffed by this, I didn’t expect a voice so coarse from anyone but I didn’t really have expectations. I could hear in his voice the same tone as Eridan’s, a thin restraint from swearing.

Sollux, the honey guy, looked over your shoulder “KK?” he muttered.

“Oh, you know him?”

“Yeah, you probably passed him when you came over, asshole didn’t tell me he was working here, though” a toothy grin spread over Sollux’s face.

“Haha, he didn’t tell you?”

“Just told me that he found some kinda job and that he was going to be out of my hair for as far as he could foresee, damn, holding up the line, I’ll talk to you later” he raised two fingers to his forehead in a mock salute which I returned. I could see him lean on the counter with crossed arms as he went over to “KK”, they were having what seemed to be an argument and I made a mental note to call Sollux up on it. There was a steady stream of customers and I got to catch up on some of the people that I didn’t get to talk with because of work or study, a steady stream of contacts and a web of acquaintances was something fun to keep up even if I didn’t especially like being around people. Later, I switched places with John, he tended to find it easier with the talking but he didn’t have the extended conversations that I had, I raised a hand as I went over to “KK” as we rotated workstations. “Yo, how’re you doing?” I saw a glimpse of his eyes before he turned away, his bangs hiding his eyes from me. I could see his shoulders tightening through his uniform and the muscles at the back of neck bulged slightly from the effort, no idea what his issue was.

“Fine” I hadn’t anticipated how coarse his voice was, it wasn’t the annoyed tone that he had with John but more of a snarl.

I tried to ignore it though “You keeping up with the job?”

“Fine and dandy” his fingers tightened around the cup, his knuckles going white with the force exerted.

“Protip, don’t squeeze the cup so hard, puts a little fold in the cup and some customers don’t like that, small thing but don’t do it”

“Will do” now it sounded like his voice was coming through gritted teeth, his attitude was probably something to do with me and I didn’t want to cause a scene, I could talk to him later.

“Cool, we’re rotating, John’s already taken my register and you’re up on the other one, you gonna be fine with that?”

“No. Problem.” nope, definitely stopping the talking now, I really didn’t want to piss him off so I nodded and moved my hand to grab his cup, my fingers closed around his and he tensed, his body becoming rigid, eventually he wormed his hand out from under mine and left, muttering some obscenities beneath his breath. He kept his face hooded beneath his hair but I didn’t bother to look further. John called out the next order and I let myself fall into the routine, sliding the cup underneath the multitude of nozzles, while some others had said that I was showing off, in truth, this was just more comfortable, the flow and the elegance was fun like dancing. On one hand, I lost myself in the routine, the swinging and spinning took me over and I could feel myself having fun, the show was something that helped top up the tip jar but it was also a main feature of our little coffee shop. On the other, bits of my mind were still focused on the others, if they ever needed help, I could buzz by and talk to a customer or find something, John was busy chatting with the customers, a bright demeanour really went a long way. “KK”, on the other hand, wasn’t so talkative, I couldn’t see his face from this angle but he bristled at every customer, he stayed tense and he never looked towards me, not even when he passed the customers’ orders over to me, I found it weird but when I looked to John, John just shrugged at me.

When my shift ended and we all went into the backroom while the guys who worked the later shift came arrived, I noticed the little nametag on “KK”’s uniform, it read Karkat, I mouthed it a few times, sounding it out silently, it wasn’t something I was used to saying and it felt kinda funny. He had changed into a black sweater and grey jeans that accentuated his hips by the time I turned around, I was pretty sure that I wasn’t staring but he glared straight at me. “What the fuck are you looking at me for?”

“Chill, I just turned around” at least that’s what I thought I had done.

John giggled beside me “No way, Dave, you were totally staring”

Shit, well that’s awkward, I kept my face neutral as I cycled through my options, do I run? Joke? Flirt? Oh, shit, uhhh “Just thinking, you wanna hang out some time?” smooth, asshole, smooth.

“Let me think, gee, I would really love to but how about fuck no!” there was a certain bite in his voice; I almost flinched at his acerbic tone.

“C’mon, it’ll be fun, do you drink?” I’m, I’m not sure what I’m saying anymore, brain’s going on autopilot but at least that’s better than becoming a stuttering mess, right?

“That might be the worse way that someone has ever tried to get to know me, just stop talking to me and we’ll keep it like that, okay?” maybe I should reconsider those options, I opened my mouth to retort but my voice died in my throat as he spun on his heel and walked out the door.

“Heheh, smooth, Dave” John elbowed me as I stood there, gaping like a fucking fish

“Was I really that bad?” I said as we walked down the street

“How bad do you think you were?”

“Pants shittingly awkward?”

“Sounds about right, you coming over tonight?” John nodded

“Yeah, sure, your pick?”

“Yup” We reached an intersection and I waved as we parted ways.

\---

I replayed the scenario as I walked to the gym, I remembered changing, I remembered turning around, I remembered looking at Karkat, I remembered looking him up and down once or twice, it couldn’t have been that long, could it? Shit, oh well, asshole sounded like a prick anyway, I mean, I’m no verbal saint but even I don’t swear as much as him. I was so lost in my visualisation that I almost bumped into someone on my way down the street; I gave a half-hearted apology and shuffled away, fucking hell, why was I dwelling on this so much. He was a bit shorter than John, high cheekbones, well defined features and a sharp jaw; I guess his eyes were kinda pretty in an intense way, his pupils seemed unnecessarily large for the light level, and coloured a deep brown. He had short hair which could look long because it looked kinda fluffy and wild, there weren’t individual sections which stuck out, but it was more like all of it was untamed. I passed by the receptionist as I made my way to the change rooms, I unlocked my locker and dumped my bag into it, then I took off my shirt and changed my pants, leaving myself with a red and black muscle shirt, and a pair of track pants. When I walked out to the mats, there weren’t many people around, some on the far side of the room, running on their treadmills, others doing bench presses and a few doing chin-ups. There was one other person on the mats but they had crammed themselves into a corner, luckily, it wasn’t the one that I was used to. I put down my water bottle then put in some earphones and started off with some rudimentary stretches, pulling one arm across the other, bending over to touch my toes, leaning forward with one leg bent and the other straight. It hadn’t been a particularly hectic day but the previous awkward social interaction had been kinda tiring. I sat down on the mat and bent my knees at something like 70 degrees, then I leaned back down and put my hands behind my head, lacing my fingers together in my hair. I slowly pulled myself back up into a sitting position, making sure to keep my feet glued to the ground; I could feel my abdominal muscles tensing as they contracted. Calm the fuck down, peaceful images, I tried to go through my day all over again, waking up, staring bleary eyed at the window, the way the sunlight cut through the curtains, shuffling out of bed and brushing my teeth, getting breakfast, downing a thermos of coffee, taking pictures, taking naps under a tree, going to work, meeting new guy, new guy with fluffy hair, new guy with a cute face, new guy who was cute, cute guy changing in the same room as me. I opened my eyes when the memory of Karkat noticing me played, well, shit, that happened.


	2. And Now You're In My Way

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> While I haven’t listened to Call Me Maybe in a while, I have a page open with the lyrics which I can look at, I have the most fun writing Dave and Karkat’s perspectives because I remade my personality with their (and some others) ones in mind, I guess I’m like Dave and Karkat but only because I chose to be. This chapter starts the moment that Karkat left in the first chapter.

Fucking hell, to say that I was pissed was the understatement of the year, pissed at the world, pissed at how my day went, pissed at myself and my stupid, stupid way of just fucking swearing at everyone. Pissed at Dave Strider and his fucking stupid hair and his smooth way of talking, but fuck me most of all because I can’t believe how I acted. I mean, I wouldn’t feel as bad if I had just ranted at him, telling him what a fucking obnoxious prick he was and how he could ram his head up a cow’s arsecrack so hard that it would give him a concussion but noooooo, I had to half-ass it and just look away. I kept my eyes down as I stormed my way down the street to the gym, if there was one thing in my life that had even a semblance of stability, it was physical exercise, getting lost in having my muscles scream at me, having me scream at me, having the music scream at me, having my lungs scream at me. It didn’t matter how much I fucked up in the day, I could just let the screams coalesce in my mind without committing too much willpower to torturing myself, in a fucked up way, and I would do it without any conscious decision. I couldn’t even remember how I got onto the mat, walking and changing clothes had just blurred away. A haze of emotions and rage and frustration just clouded my mind as I went straight into doing sit-ups, no stretching or anything. It was almost second nature by this point, letting everything run by itself instead of me shouting at myself to make myself do everything. No narration of going up, letting myself down, feeling the air brush my hair a bit, forcing myself to steadily breathe in and out, just going with the fucking flow. It was stupid, I was stupid, and Dave was stupid. Asshole only met me today and just ugh, fuck him for being a nice guy instead of someone I could hate. I mean, it’s not every day you turn up to a new workplace and there’s a tolerable boss (admittedly, he was an acquired taste), not so stressful work, and a hot guy who’s willing to talk to you. I know that I’m hard to approach and I should learn to appreciate that at least, but god, was I a social fucking cripple. I didn’t know how long I had been going on for but a cramp shook me from my internal screaming. I wrapped one of my arms around my knees to keep myself in something resembling a sitting position while I massaged my torso with my free hand to get rid of that stupid cramp. I hadn’t always exercised, I used to rely on just being naturally fit and having a high metabolism to keep myself in a good enough shape so that I could run for a bit and not roll out of bed feeling like shit on a Sunday morning. That had all changed after Terezi, fuck; I’m not even going to start on that, fucking hell. Her face flashed into my mind, crimson glasses, shoulder length brown hair with red highlights, a vicious grin that oozed confidence, damn, she was hot but I should have gotten over it already, I grimaced as her grin widened, evidently not, I thought to myself. I let my eyes half close as I tried to clear my mind, I focused on my breathing, letting the air flow in through my nose and out my mouth, I was probably being kinda loud but from what I could feel but there wasn’t anybody near me to disturb. Some days were really crowded but so many people followed the rule of exercising on alternate days that it was easy for me to just go on the days when the majority didn’t. I followed the rule, just in my own way. I could feel the pain in my abdomen easing and the strength returning so I let myself fall back down. I stared at the ceiling for a bit before deciding to keep my eyes closed, maybe just turning off my vision would help with keeping my thoughts out. That theory turned out to be wrong as visions of Dave replaced those of Terezi, long-ish pale blonde hair that covered most of his forehead, freckles dusting his nose and cheekbones, his easy grin. I pictured his face moving, transitioning into a small frown, the wrinkle in the bridge of his nose that accompanied what seemed like slight displeasure. God fucking dammit, my fixation on the guy was becoming increasingly frustrating, yes he was hot, fucking hell, are you happy now, mind? I’ve admitted it; it’s like the fiftieth fucking time that I have so leave me the fuck alone already. Obviously, my mind had a problem with obeying authority because it continued. I tried ignoring it to the best of my abilities but it caught me and reeled me back in when the memory played where Dave had tried to take the cup away from me. His fingers were slightly cool, long, pale, kinda bony, but firm. They looked and felt smooth and I had slipped my hands away from his at the moment that I realised that I had been reading way too much into it. He had almost seemed surprised by the sudden movement, staying in that position for a moment before settling into a neutral stance. Ugh, that was probably just my ridiculous overly active imagination, what the fuck would he want to do with me? That was obviously just me being a total asshat. Then there was that bit at the end, I don’t know, I just don’t know anymore. I think I’m losing control of what I say; I can’t believe that I passed up an opportunity like that. Yes, he was staring at me. No, you don’t fucking say what I fucking said, I just, no, fuck you, past me, knowing myself, I probably wouldn’t do any better but fuck you anyways. I had just finished my shift and changed out of that stupid uniform, it wasn’t like I had anything to do there anyways, but there he was, when I turned, ready to leave, he was there, just standing, just staring, at me. It could have been something else; of course, I couldn’t confirm that he was looking directly at me because of those dorky shades of his. That would also be totally improbable because of the fact that there was only a locker behind me, no window, no painting. But that would only leave one option, and when you eliminate the impossible, whatever remained, however improbable, would be the truth, right? It just didn’t work out, it couldn’t fit, I could see every argument and how one led to another but I just couldn’t accept that answer, no way in fucking hell that was true. I shook my head as I tried to convince myself to let go but when I opened my eyes, I was absolutely stunned at what lay before me. Whatever gods there are, whatever masters of fate there lay, fuck you, fuck all of you, fuck all of the spawn you have ever created, fuck whoever organised all of this. I couldn’t handle this anymore; I turned away from Dave Strider, who had somehow been in my life more than what was required, and absconded to the locker room. Speak of the devil and nope, I’m done with this. I looked my reflection in the eyes as I stood in the bathroom. Once again, everything had been a blur. Surprise was quickly replaced with rage and generally being pissed off, what was I doing? Why did I just run from that? It was stupid and I knew it, but it felt right, I mean, fuck. I looked away from my own face as I leaned into the sink, cupping my hands as I let the tap run, the water forming a small pool in my palm. I splashed the water onto my face, feeling the cool liquid run down my neck and dampen the neck of my shirt. I looked back at my reflection but it didn’t look any less irate, just more wet. Fucking Dave and nope, I stopped my train of thought right there. There is no way in hell that I’m going to think of that while being wet and oh my fucking god I said stop! I started growling at myself as I continued screaming at myself internally. The toilet behind me flushed and a tall muscular man stepped out, still adjusting his shorts; he took one look of me before backing away slowly to the furthest sink. He quickly washed his hands before getting the fuck out, I don’t blame him. I saw him in the corner of my eye but I didn’t consciously acknowledge him until the door opened with a whiny creaking noise for him to leave. I scratched down the sides of my nose with my forefinger and middle finger, a meaningless gesture but one that I felt would keep my emotions in check.

“Oh, hey Karkat, you ok?” a familiar voice sounded from behind, a slight drawl and the most miniscule hint of concern. I froze up at his voice, my fingers still dug into the sides of my nose. Awkward gods, if you’re listening to me, I hope you wake up with a dick on your faces; I want you all to wake up and be bathed in tiger shlongs or something worse because that’s what you deserve.

“I’m fine” I muttered, trying to keep anything from cracking my voice, my throat got caught up on itself near the end of those two simple syllables. “The hell are you doing here?”

“Gettin’ my workout, much as it looks like, I don’t spend all day inside studyin’ or anythin’ like that, I’ll assume you’re hear for somethin’ similar, came here to take a piss, we’re in a bathroom, connect the dots.” He walked over to the urinal and I bowed my head so that even if I wanted to look over at him urinating, I wouldn’t be able to because my hair covering that part of my vision. “So what’s up?”

“Is this standard protocol for you, Strider? Stalk your workmates and then ambush them when they’re in the bathroom? I’ve heard stories about people who just talk while pissing but looks like you’re just a fucking stereotype.” he had to know, he had to at least suspect something. I was the world’s worst actor and from my stupid behaviour, it was probably obvious to anyone with half an eye.

“Haha, first of all, I’m tempted to say yes just to see how you would react, no I don’t stalk and ambush people in the bathroom, I have a shred of decency, I ambush them somewhere else” I shot a glare over to him only for him to look up at me and grin “Also, this isn’t stalking, I said it before, I have a reason to be here, not everyone can stay at home and either waste away chowin’ down on junk or eating one pack of instant ramen every meal. Yeah, it can get hectic with work and pressure and shit but health is unironically serious. Like, I would make a joke about fat shaming but you’d probably kick my ass for that. Also, about that thing with the talking and pissing, it’s called multi-tasking and from what I’ve seen of you, you’re not scoring particularly high in that category.” If there was a way to hear a smirk, his voice would’ve done it for me.

“Whatever, I’m still not buying that story for a single damn minute, and yes, give me any excuse to kick your ass, I’ll plant my shoe so far up there; Indonesian kids will start working in you to make sneakers.” I mumbled, he was decent enough to listen to and at least this conversation was less awkward.

“Better call Nike, I’m all up in this labour market and shit, gonna introduce a new competitor, watch out Adidas, imma steal all your customers” he straightened up as he came over to stand next to me and wash his hands, I was sure he still couldn’t see my eyes so I looked over while keeping my head bowed and my eyes shielded, they were just hands, what the fuck was I so worried about for?

“Does this shit take any effort to come up with or is this like some kind of secondary crop that you grow in your stupid brain?”

“I only have the freest-range beef and jerkass goats up here” he tapped the side of his head “anyways, you’ve been standing there for a bit now, you always take this long to wash your hands?” he was leaning up against the counter now, one hand propping the rest of his body up while the other now gestured at my still cupped hands with a slender finger.

“How about you answer a more important question? Why are you talking to me?”

“You think I need a reason to talk to someone who’s in my life now? We’re going to have to be at least ok with each other if we don’t want the main attraction of the coffee place to be gladiatorial combat, so c’mon, let’s talk. You doing anything tonight?”

“Nah, got a break from essays, is there a reason for why you’re asking?”

“Movie night up at my dorm, organised by John, where do you live, you need a ride?” he yelled over the pretentiously loud hand dryer.

“I live in the same fucking dorm as you do, asshole, my room’s right next to Sollux and you didn’t even notice me? You fucking drove here? It’s like 5 minutes from the Eridan’s” I yelled back, it was almost comedic, the way we had to communicate.

“Nope and nope, so you ok to walk back?” the ridiculously loud air blowing stopped but Dave continued shouting.

“Whatever, fine” I let my arms cross as I leaned to one side.

“Cool, lemme get my shit and I’ll meet you by the entrance” he walked out and I adjusted the bag that rested on my hip before I went back to the foyer, I stood by the side of the doors, eyes wandering lazily as I waited. What the fuck just happened, so I was going to walk with him, to his dorm, to watch movies, is this a date? I tried to remember what he said until I got to the bit about John being there, ha, as if, fuck you brain, you can’t convince me that he knows. He came back soon enough and gestured forward with two fingers. In the time that I hadn’t seen him, he had changed back into a t-shirt and jeans.

“Who else is coming to your film rumpus?” I asked; the sun was still kinda bright though it was dying down, it certainly didn’t help as we seemed to walk towards it, as the days grew longer, I was sure that it would be much brighter later on in the year.

“John obviously, Rose, Jade, Kanaya-“he drawled, fingers drumming at his thigh as he started listing

“Wait a second, Kanaya’s coming?” huh, I didn’t know Kanaya went out for these kinds of things

“Yeah, got something against her? We might have a bit of a problem if so” he tilted his head quizzically, the shades continuing to obscure his eyes and any expressions that were within them.

“No, no, just surprised, at least there’s going to be one person I’m kinda familiar with”

“Good to know, I think Terezi-“ I flinched at the mention of her name, fucking hell, I guess it isn’t going to be as bad if Kanaya’s there “and Vriska and Sollux are maybes, you mind them?”

“Uh, sure, whatever” I had only heard of Vriska and how she was Terezi’s best friend, I had a kind of bifurcated opinion on Sollux, on one hand, it would be good for him to get out of his room, on the other, he’s an asshole, but then again, everyone there that I knew was a kind of asshole in some way or another, swearing and angry asshole, fussy and mentally pervasive asshole, vicious creepy asshole, douchey shades and blonde asshole, it was like some kind of factory for assholishness and douchebaggery. We soon got back to the dorms, the sun had nearly finished setting, shades of red and orange coloured the sky as we turned into the building. I took one last look before following Dave to whatever idiot infested hellhole was up next.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about taking so long, I got distracted by many, many things and I think I only actually used 4 days out of the previous week and a half or so to write and even then, 2 of them were only like 10 minute sessions. Let’s keep this rolling.


	3. It's Hard To Look Right

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time to introduce some other characters that I would like to be in this universe, I think I’ll write something about Vriska, Terezi, and “the creep” if I get around to that.

Plan Get to Know Karkat was a go; I was actually surprised that he had so easily accepted my invitation to John’s movie night, well, our movie night. John’s comment about my smoothness still lingered in the back of my mind and I was starting to feel a little bit self-conscious about my decisions and how others would see them. There’s probably a fine line between just friendly chatting and blatantly hitting on someone and I’m pretty sure I didn’t do any of that or maybe I did and I didn’t notice, fuck it. I could probably go regret my decisions later.  
I rubbed the back of my neck as I bent it side to side to work out the tired feeling in my neck. This day seemed to just get better. I mean, it isn’t every day where you get to invite a cute guy you just met back to your humble abode to watch a movie. The stairs don’t seem to end but I don’t mind, just gives me more time to y’know, look him over for a bit. The way he looks to the side like he’s annoyed at something, his eyes seem to be slightly narrowed, looks like he’s just glaring at the world like everything’s chafing with him. The minute movements his mouth makes as he silently mumbles something but I can’t tell what he’s saying exactly, looks like he’s swearing or something and from what I’ve heard him say, that would be completely possible. The way one hand was stuffed into a pocket while the other tightly gripped the banister was also peculiar to say the least, everything pointed to him wanting to explode into a rant or a screaming frenzy but he was doing everything he could to keep hold of himself. I kept my eyes on him throughout our walk until we got to my dorm, yup, still cute.   
“Hey, Egbert, we got another one for the movie night” I called out after unlocking the door, John was seated on the couch, he was relaxed, leaning back with his headphones on while staring at his laptop.  
“Hmm?” he pushed his headphones down as he craned his head to look over my shoulder at Karkat “Oh, hey Karkat, blink twice if he’s holding you against your will” he exhibited a wide grin, looking eager and innocent but the teasing edge in his voice was unmistakeable.  
“Shit, bro, is that how you’ve got to greet everyone I bring over?” Part of me was kinda embarrassed about John’s behaviour though another bit also found it amusing.  
“Maybe, maybe not, I’ve got to be careful and it is my sworn duty to warn everyone who comes in here of the danger that is Dave Strider. Anyways, is Karkat here for movie night?” he said as he turned back to his laptop, essays, homework, research tasks, so many things, so little time. Well, unless it was me doing it. Things kinda fell into a neat schedule when I got involved.  
I walked over to the kitchen counter to grab a cup after retrieving the carton of apple juice from the fridge; I pointed it over to Karkat. He raised an eyebrow inquisitively.  
“The hell is that?” a single finger was raised accusingly against the simple paper construct.  
“AJ, you want some?”   
“Whatever, fine” while I went to grab some cups, Karkat started looking around.  
“You got anything in particular that you wanna watch?” I slid a cup over to him; it might have fallen off if it didn’t collide with his hand, woops.  
He turned the cup around with one hand, looking at the mono-coloured ceramic. He squinted at the cup as he continued rotating it, his fingers traced non-existent designs. “We’ll see, as long as you guys don’t pick movies that are too shit for even my tastes”  
“I get it, special snowflake and all that, anything that you’re against?”  
“I don’t really care about what movie it is, normally I would have something to bring but I don’t. Hey John, I’m blinking twice now, can you fucking rescue me?” he shouted the last bit to John.  
“Don’t listen to him, Egbert. False alarm”  
“He’s a fucking psycho! He’s not even going to tell me what movies we’re going to watch”  
“Haha, don’t worry, Karkat” John didn’t turn to us but he gave us a thumbs up.  
“What do you mean, don’t worry? I could be subjected to the most fucking inhumane Adam Sandler comedy in history and you’re telling me to not worry? Fuck you, I think I’m hyperventilating” his hand clutched at his chest as he pretended to hyperventilate.  
“Chill, irony doesn’t stretch to masochism, ok?” I took a swig of apple juice before swishing the cup around, the amber liquid turning in a very slow whirlpool within the cup. “Unless I do it” I grinned at him.  
His eyebrows knitted together as he tried to figure out if I was lying or not “You’re an ass, anyone ever tell you that?”  
“One or two, kinda follows me wherever I go” I downed the rest of my drink before pouring myself another; I noticed that he hadn’t touched his but I didn’t ask why. “You want to go down to your room to get some stuff before the others get around to coming over or are you ok with our stuff? We could go get Sollux on our way back.” I raised my cup back to my lips.  
“Yeah, sure” He set his cup back on the counter before turning around to go downstairs. I followed him down the stairs, he hadn’t seemed to relax, and I would probably be able to confirm that his knuckles were white if they hadn’t stuffed into his pockets. “You need anything?”  
“Nah, man, I don’t really have much to do anyways until everyone gets there, figured I might just follow you around”  
“Not creepy at all” he scoffed.  
Though he couldn’t see me, I let out a smile “Trying to get to know you, don’t let my efforts go to waste, come on, we can talk and shit, don’t leave me hanging”  
“I fucking wish I could leave you hanging” he muttered, I followed him into his room but I stood to the side as he paced around the room, fidgeting with the occasional thingamabob. It’s a pretty clean room, the shelves tastefully lined with books. Some that I recognised and others that I didn’t. I didn’t look too closely at any one spot in particular but it gave off a sense of cleanliness through the deft arrangement of the furniture and the lack of clutter. His centre of activity appeared to be the sofa in front of the television with assorted scraps laid out on the coffee table in front of it. The curtain was still closed but the lighting was very minimal, I guess that he relied on a computer or the TV. I had cleaned up my shared room this morning before going out. Sometimes we just forgot stuff and it accumulated on the floor, it usually took a few days before we noticed. I mean, it’s kinda eerie when random plastic wrappers and bits of paper just randomly pop into your field of vision. I should probably mind this kind of thing more. I wandered over to the kitchen where everything was once again surprisingly clean. I didn’t cook but I knew what kind of hassle washing dishes and other utensils were without a dishwasher. Fucking stains, I mean, you forget to soap one thing and it gets all oily and shit. I went back to the books, from what I could see, he took something to do with psychology or philosophy, fun.  
“Hey asshole, I’m done, ready to go if you’re finished with staring at my room” I quickly straightened to look back at him. His arms were filled with a stack of DVDs; they were precariously balanced and reached up to his nose with his eyes just visible over them.   
“Do you want help with that?” I asked, I don’t think he would make it up the stairs with that much.  
“Fine, I could do with a hand” He hefted them again; I noticed one of the cases starting to slide.  
I reached over and slid off the top few so that the tower only reached up to his collarbones “You ok with the load now?”  
He readjusted his grip, putting one hand around the much smaller tower while keeping one at the bottom to support the base “Yeah, let’s get going”  
“Hold it, grabbing Sollux as well”  
“Fucking hell, as long as it doesn’t take too long” he grumbled.   
When we got to Sollux’s door, I rested the stack of discs on my raised thigh as I knocked on the door. I eased the DVDs back into my hands as I rocked from side to side while Sollux came to answer the door. I heard the noise of headphones being set down on hard wood before the footsteps grew louder until they stopped and were replaced with the click of the door handle.   
“Time already?” he stretched his arms languidly as he leaned backwards.  
“Your choice, you can come up whenever you want, I don’t think most of the others are here yet anyways” I did my best to shrug.  
“I’ll get my laptop and I’ll come with you guys, wait a sec” he lunged over to his couch to grab the closed laptop, I stepped back as he shut the door behind him. “Oh, hey, KK, you coming over as well?”  
“Looks like it, you mind telling me what the fuck you assholes get up to with these?”  
“Calm your jets, just a movie night, exactly what it says on the tin, watch shitty flicks, random commentary from the peanut gallery, all fun and games” I led the way while Sollux and Karkat chatted behind me. Sollux was talking about some video game that they used to play with each other. From what I gathered, Sollux still went on occasionally while Karkat had abandoned it a year ago. They discussed updates and game balance, what gear was in season and strategies for bosses. Their conversation was tinged with both reminiscence and disdain at the evolving scene. After we put the DVDs on the rack, they sat down in some of the bean bags that were strewn all over the floor.  
“Hmmph, how’s Aradia?” Karkat seemed to have mellowed out, his demeanour much calmer.  
“She sent a message last night, so many smileys, ugh” though Sollux groaned, his fond smile betrayed his true intentions “She’s having a lot of fun over in Egypt, I can’t handle the heat but y’know, she sends me photos and stuff. It’s like being there except without the sun and the sand” Sollux opened his laptop to show Karkat what Aradia was up to, I had met her a few times before and she was an energetic girl. Before she had gone overseas, she had been the one to drag Sollux everywhere. She was practically the only reason Sollux left his room other than classes. She wore her characteristic smile in every single photo, sometimes grinning as she hooked her arms around the shoulders of fellow archaeologists. “Hey, Dave, you wanna see?”  
“Haha, yeah, sure” I walked over behind Sollux and bent down to get a better look, there was one of her in a jeep as she drove through the desert, damn, that looked like a good opportunity for some photos. I guess the photographer had thought exactly the same thing. I was interrupted from my analysis by a sharp knock on the door accompanied by a shout of “Hey coolkid, open up!” I straightened up but before I turned, I noted down the way that Karkat flinched at Terezi’s voice, an eyebrow involuntarily raised as I wondered why he reacted like that. Terezi leapt straight at me when I opened the door, arms tightening around my neck before she let go and grinned at me. I raised a hand to ruffle her hair and she pouted before ducking underneath my hand. She had come in a loose shirt and short shorts, it seemed like she just didn’t care about the weather. “C’mon! Where’s the party at?”  
“Calm down, we haven’t started yet”  
She went over to one of the barstools in the kitchen and started spinning it, damn, at least I could probably go join her after greeting the rest of these chumps.  
“How’re you doing, nerd?” Vriska said as she followed Terezi.  
“Fine, pretty chill day, before I let you stay, I gotta ask you something”  
“Ugh, shoot”  
“No punching anyone, for serious this time”  
“Asshole totally deserved it last time”  
“I know, I was there, I get that he deserved it and that he’s a fucking creep but you could have just told him to fuck off”  
“Tell me that you wouldn’t have done the same thing. You see some guy threatening to rape Terezi, what the fuck are you going to do, huh?” She wasn’t wrong. I probably would’ve decked the asshole if I was there. It still kinda pissed me off that I wasn’t there for Terezi.  
“Point, at least that gets you a few brownie points. But you’re going to promise me that you’re not going to attack, assault, or aggrieve anyone in the building unless you get hit first, I don’t want a repeat of last time and I really don’t want to see ‘rezi have to drag your sorry ass away”  
“You have my word, not like I was even going to start anything, anyways”  
“We cool?” I pointed my fist at her.  
“Only because Terezi likes hanging around you, nerd” she raised her fist to bump mine before joining Terezi at the kitchen counter, I had left a bottle of cordial on the counter and Terezi was now circling it like a shark having detected fresh blood, poking the plastic as she sniffed.  
“Brother” came the curt greeting from Rose.  
“’sup Rose?”  
“Not much, it is good to see you again after so long, I trust that you have been well?”  
“Damn straight, you?”  
“The last week has been very good” She patted out the creases in her skirt, a very straightforward black and purple thing. “You wouldn’t mind if we brought our own food, would you?”  
“Not like I can stop you, the bag over there doesn’t smell like books, and it sure as hell isn’t meat”  
“And you would be the most prominent expert on the olfactory appeals of my volumes?”  
“Exactly, you don’t have to keep asking, y’know? You eat your way; I eat mine, fair’s fair”  
“Thank you, now if you don’t mind” she crossed over to join Vriska and Terezi; she stood to the side of them as she giggled at whatever Terezi was saying about the redness of the drink.  
“Hello, Dave” Kanaya was one of the few people who could look down on me, a fashionable woman who didn’t just design but could rock the catwalk like no other. Dark skin and black hair made her startling green eyes stand out in contrast. She had a way of talking and looking at people which made her seem like she knew what people were thinking.   
“Hey, Kanaya” I noticed her eyes were wandering, scanning the room. “You looking for someone?”  
“Perceptive as always” she smiled as her eyes settled on the back of Karkat’s head.  
“I do my best”  
“Is that Karkat over there?”  
“Yeah, he kinda had a similar reaction when I told him you were coming, you know him?”  
“I would say so; he is a family friend, one who I have spoken to occasionally. I wonder how he has been doing, I have not conversed with him in quite a while” Kanaya walked over to Rose before leaning down to whisper something into Rose’s ear. She then walked over to Karkat and sat down next to him. I only noticed Karkat starting to get flustered and Sollux going over to the kitchen before a punch to my arm got my attention, turning me back to my final guest.  
“Hey, Dave!” Jade Harley was John’s cousin. Like Kanaya, she was taller than us but not by much. Her musculature was also much more impressive than ours. She seemed to just fill up the space in front of me even though she didn’t need to try to be imposing and kinda intimidating.  
“Hey, Jade, how’s Bec?” Becquerel was, Jade’s dog, a massive white thing with fur for days and a maximum running speed that I had never been able to measure.  
“He’s fine; I still can’t believe how well he’s getting along with Jasper. Anyways, have you ordered food yet? Kinda hungry and I’m up for some food”   
“We’re going to be ordering soon, come on in”  
She went over to John to sit next to him, peering at the stack of discs in front of them. Our room was getting slightly crowded; scratch that, pretty fucking full. We were used to it, though, chairs and beanbags and sofas were placed in preparation for this many people. After a bit of pestering John stood up and walked out of the room with his phone in hand, presumably to order takeout. The cordial on the kitchen benchtop had been left untouched, well, unopened at least. Terezi and Vriska were talking about some TV show that they had been watching, something about a lot of backstabbing and frontstabbing. Though I was kind of aware of it, I didn’t watch it and I hadn’t read the books either, not exactly my cup of tea.   
“Hey Rose, what’ve you been doing lately?” I leant against the wall.  
“As you have seen in the others, time is not exactly in abundance. Like the last few weeks, time has been spent on writing and researching. It is enjoyable but it is very time consuming, these activities do not allow much time for anything else. This little get together is probably the one purely recreational activity that I have been able to attend.” Her tone was wistful, I could understand this kind of feeling, and it hadn’t been too long since I had gone through a similar period.   
“It’s gonna pass in a few weeks, it’ll ease up” While this was true, I knew it wouldn’t make time go any faster. I started tapping at my thigh and nodding my head slightly to an inaudible beat.  
“Knowing this is comforting; I suppose all things eventually end. Please excuse me, as enjoyable as it is to speak with you, I must also go spend some time with my girlfriend.”  
“Don’t let me keep you, good to know you’ve got your priorities straight.”  
“Your puns are absolutely terrible” she smiled.  
“It’s part of my charm” She raised a hand to pat my arm before weaving around Vriska and Terezi to join Kanaya and Karkat near the TV.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Expect production to slow a bit due to me going back to school this week. Summer is the worst, spring coming in at a close second, I guess I’ll enjoy the cool and the calm while it lasts. Stupid, lousy heatwaves of futures past.


	4. So Here's My Number

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is just a fluffy chapter, not much here. I was aiming to have this be the last chapter but it looks like I’m writing one more, yay! Ugh, I have the worst priorities ever, I need to get my ancestor fic done, I need to get this done, I need to notes for school, I need to sleep. Anyways, how the hell are Dave and Karkat going to go about with this situation.

I ducked out of the room and pulled my phone out. I could hear a bit of chatter coming through the doorway so I went a few steps further to lessen the noise pollution.  
“Hey, Dave, what’s up?” Ben asked. Guy was probably still working his shift over at the pizza place.  
“Not much ‘cept that I’m here to place an order.”  
“No problem, usual’s anchovies, mushrooms, sausage, beef, barbecue sauce, right?” he recited.  
“That would be pretty fucking sweet.”  
“Want anything else with that?”  
“Got some guests tonight.”  
“Yeah, ok, gonna have to tell me what else, I’m no telepath.”  
“I can agree with that, no self-respecting telepath would keep working at a pizza place, not one owned by the man, at least.”  
“True enough, anyways, you still haven’t told me. Don’t leave me hanging, bro.”  
“I really don’t know what they want, haven’t asked them.”  
“Dude, how about you do that then call back?”  
“Nah, shit’s passed like the digested remains of a vegetarian through a rectum.”  
Ben sighed. “I kinda sorta have a job to do here, y’know?”  
“Can you recommend anything?”  
“You’re saying this with full knowledge that the management tells us to try and sell customers our second most expensive pizzas if they ask for a suggestion, right?”  
“Don’t bust the illusion of the righteous pizza state. Just tell me your choice.”  
“Can’t go wrong with pepperoni, supreme’s pretty popular, meat lovers is always a hit.”  
“Cool, three of each.”  
“Totals up to fifty-five dollars. Delivery as always?”  
“Yeah.” I answered.  
“Will do, I’ll see you in something like ten.”  
“And you’ll get here in five; I’m more disappointed in your underestimation of yourself than an Asian parent seeing their child getting 90% for a pop test.”  
“Hey, sell yourself short and always give them more than they asked for, work ethic 101.”  
“Says the guy who leaves everything up to the last minute.”  
“One, last three days, two, pot and kettle.”  
“Point, I’ll see you in five.”  
“Don’t count on it, make it ten.”  
“Fuck you.”  
“I’m sure you would enjoy your pizza more.” He laughed and then the end call tone replaced the chuckling.  
  
I walked back into the living room to find that everyone had quietened down as they sat in front of the TV. It looked like they had let John pick the film because no one in a fit state of mind would have fucking picked the new Fantastic Four movie. I went back over to my beanbag and lowered myself down on it, making no significant noise; no one likes the asshole that disturbs the movie, no matter how shitty it is. Well, unless the distraction is the funniest shit ever. Sollux had retired to the kitchen and was messing around on his laptop and Karkat had taken up his beanbag. I tried paying attention to the movie but it was quickly tuned out in favour of eavesdropping on Karkat and Terezi’s hushed conversation. They had their heads bowed and were muttering something that the others were either ignoring or couldn’t hear.  
“What the hell do you mean by that?”  
“Cut it with the lies, Karkat, don’t play dumb with me?”  
“I met him today, ok? It’s not like I’ve been fucking your ex and not been telling you about it.”  
Huh, they were talking about me. Eases the guilt over listening in, I guess.  
“And you have a witness to corroborate this statement?”  
“You want to launch your stupid fucking investigation? Fine, ask John, he was there as well.”  
She poked Karkat in the cheek before grinning. “That won’t be necessary. But you’ve only given me a testimony on when you met him, time for you to explain how.”  
“I got a new job at Ampora’s coffee shop.”  
“Afternoon shift with Dave?”  
“No shit.”  
“Curb that foul language, Karkat, or I’ll cure this habit for you.”  
“Fuck you, I’ll swear whenever I want to, it’s in my rights or some shit.”  
“Hmm, I’ll accept this but you’d better not be abusing these privileges or I’ll be the one to punish you. Now, how did he get you to come here?”  
“He ambushed me in the bathroom.”  
“Did not, I saw him being weird and I stepped in.” I interrupted.  
“What the fuck?” he screeched. He was answered by a low shooshing by the people behind him. “How long have you been listening?”  
“Since you started talking about me? It’s a superpower.”  
“Great, that explains why you’re so much more of a douche than anyone else is.”  
“Douche motherfucking extraordinaire right here. Anyways, he was pulling his hand across his face like he was trying to rip it off.”  
“And do you have an explanation for this suspicious behaviour, Karkat?” Terezi asked.  
“I was just scratching, fucking hell.”  
“He was also completely wet.”  
Terezi gasped. “How wet?”  
“Fuck both of you, there was only a bit of water on my shirt.”  
“Totally drenched, I’m telling you. Like Egbert stuck a bucket full of water on top of the door and Karkat walked in like some chump.”  
“Shut the fuck up, that’s not how it went at all.” Karkat snarled, a finger pointing accusatorily at me.  
I mimed pulling a zipper over my lips.  
“And stay like that.”  
“Ignore him; you have the right to exercise free speech. You, on the other hand, are being suspiciously hostile.” Terezi accused, eyes narrowed behind her glasses.  
“What do you mean hostile? I talk like this all the time.”  
“Dude, North Korea secretly learns from your behaviour the perfect way to antagonise innocent people.” I deadpanned.  
“You” he jabbed his finger into my chest “don’t get a say in this. You don’t know me at all.”  
“Yeah, but I do.” Terezi pointed out “Now, why are you being so rude?”  
“Don’t you know I’m human too?”  
“Fuck you and your shitty shades, for all I know, you’re hiding some reptilian or feline eyes behind them, what kind of douche wears shades indoors?”  
“The coolest of coolkids.”  
“Damn straight, you could learn a thing or two from ‘rezi, here.”  
“Fuck you, I’m not buying it. I have seen absolutely nothing to support that argument.”  
“Like I said before, I only met him today. You know what? Fuck this. My turn. Have you fucking ordered food yet? I’m pretty sure Jade’s about to eat someone and I don’t trust her to not pick me.”  
“Yeah, that’s where I came back from.”  
“And we’re very grateful for that. Karkat?”  
“Fuck you.”  
“Eh, close enough.” I teased.  
Karkat flushed before pulling his finger back and curling his hand into a fist. “Not happening.”  
“Can’t resist the trademarked Strider charm, can you?”  
“I’m this close to breaking one of your shitty chairs and stuffing one of its legs up your ass until you get splinters stuck there for the rest of your life.”  
“Karkat! Stop being an asshole.” Terezi batted Karkat’s shoulder.  
“I’m ok with what he’s saying.”  
“Fucking creep.”  
“And I’m sure you’re such a paragon of cleanliness and purity.”  
“At least I don’t wear those stupid glasses.”  
“They’re not stupid, they’re cool.”  
“You look stupid to me.”  
“Well, I think you look great. Karkat could do with a bit of a touch up, though.”  
“First of all, you don’t get to say anything about how, quote unquote, great Dave is. Second point, no one is doing any touching, especially if it involves me.”  
“Oh my, was that a blind joke? Picking on the poor, little blind girl…” Terezi fake sobbed.  
“Ugh, sorry.”  
“You’d better be, you little shit.” She grinned.  
“You know what, fuck you, last time I fall for that and you’re not little.”  
“Well, not compared to you, at least.” I quipped.  
“And you can get high and jump off a cliff. In fact, remind me what floor this is?”  
“Been there, done that, won the t-shirt, got the medal. “  
“The fuck is that supposed to mean? You’re a champion at attempted suicide, now?”  
“Fuck, no, more like I’m obviously immortal.”  
“Neeeerd.” Terezi stretched the syllable out as she leaned back against Vriska’s legs.  
I opened my mouth to answer but a knock interrupted me. “Take a look in the mirror next time you want to say that, lawyer nerd.”  
Terezi just stuck her tongue out at me as I stood up.  
  
“Hey, special delivery.” Ben said from behind a stack of pizzas.  
“Sweet, do you wanna stay behind for a bit?”  
“Nah, shift ain’t over yet. Take half of this so I can see what’s in front of me and put them somewhere.”  
I slid five of the boxes into my arms as I led Ben over to the kitchen counter. “Right here’s fine.”  
“No problem. Hey, John.” He called out.  
John returned a friendly wave and a smile before looking back to the TV.  
“When’s your shift ending?”  
“Got about an hour left, anyways, pizza isn’t free, pay up.”  
“Fifteen for a tip sound good to you?”  
“Since I got here early, you mind sweetening the pot a bit?”  
“Fuck you; I don’t expect anything less than perfect. Now, how about ten?”  
“I’ll take the fifteen.”  
“All yours.” I handed him the bills and he clapped me on the shoulder.  
“Good doing business with you, I’ll see you around.”  
“Yeah.”  
“Hey, before I forget, here’s your drink.” Ben pulled out three two-litre bottles of Pepsi.  
“I didn’t order these.”  
“Oh, man, I must have accidentally fucked up your order. My bad. You know what, you take them.” He laughed and winked at me.  
“You know I don’t drink this, I’ve already got my amber ambrosia.” I raised an eyebrow at him.  
“Yeah, but you’ve got a party! Also, I’m not bringing anything back down those stairs, when are you guys going to get the elevator fixed?”  
“When the guy comes around, dude’s so slow that the snails are lapping him, fuck, my grandad could probably get here faster.”  
“The dead one or the one up north?”  
“Both.”  
“Haha, whatever, man. I’ll take my leave, enjoy the pizza.”  
“You know me, I definitely will.”  
  
I set the cardboard boxes in front of the others before going back to my seat with my own. I caught Karkat glancing over at me before flinching away from the anchovies. Half of what made the salty fishes so good was how much they pissed off everyone else; it’s like the taste of irony. I managed to stay silent as I dug in and watched the TV. The movie certainly hadn’t improved since I last looked but it helped to keep my mind clear. Karkat had straightened up his beanbag now that Terezi had gotten up to sit next to Vriska. Rose was between Jade and Kanaya, chatting quietly with Kanaya. Jade was busy wolfing down her share of food while John was doing his best to keep up. Sollux wasn’t visible from this angle but he was probably still messing with his computer.  
Karkat got up after a while, hurrying around me and going around a corner and then into another room. Weird. I tried to keep my eyes on the TV and disregard it but the minutes drag on and I looked back over to his vacant seat. I patted down my jeans when I stood up and shoved my hands into my pockets. When I entered the next room, Karkat was nowhere to be seen. Nope, not the balcony.  
John’s room didn’t seem to have any sign of Karkat either. The shared toilet was also empty so I moved on over to the last room, mine. Asshole had better not gone into my room, should’ve just fucking asked, what kind of host wouldn’t direct a guest to the bathroom, scratch that, he probably would have assumed without asking.  
I knocked on the door. “Karkat, you in here?”  
“What?” he shouted back.  
“What do you mean what? You’re in my fucking toilet.”  
“What?”  
“Are you fucking kidding me? You didn’t notice that you had to go through my room to get here?” even Terezi would have known that this is the wrong bathroom.  
“Shit.”  
“Shit is exactly how you should be feeling. Now get out.”  
“What?”  
“My most sycophantic apologies, did I fucking stutter, get your ass out here before I come in there.” Shit, Rose would have a field day with that phrasing.  
“I’m trying to take a shit here!”  
“And that’s still my bathroom, suck it up, princess.”  
“That’s not how biology works, you fucking dickmuncher.”  
“It’s your asshole, not mine; you figure out the specifics, I’m just coming up with the overarching game plan.”  
“Sure, let me just crank it, oh wait, that finger’s not supposed to go up.”  
“If you’re trying to flip me off, it’s not going to work if I can’t see it, should I barge in here to appreciate this beautiful spectacle?”  
“Don’t you dare.”  
“Can’t stop me, my place, my rules. Especially when you’re in my personal shithouse.”  
“My pants are fucking down; you’re violating my rights to privacy. Open that door and I’ll scream for Terezi to tackle you.”  
“Please, only person she’ll be detaining is you, you filthy criminal. All of this indecent exposure in my own room, that’s like the fifteenth commandment.”  
“What the fuck?”  
“You done yet?”  
“What kind of fucking question is that? Your voice is verbal diarrhoea, not auditory laxative! Just because you seem to love the sound of your self-appraised smooth voice doesn’t mean that it’s going to be lubricating my asshole anytime soon.”  
Well, at least I’m not the only one who’s going down this Freudian slippery slope. “Lube’s not in there; it’s in my bedside drawer. Did you think that I’m some kind of fucking savage, keeping all of my Vaseline and shit in there?”  
“Oh my god, don’t even start with that, I don’t want to know about your fucking habits.”  
“Get out of my toilet, then.”  
“I’m almost done!”  
“You’re lying.”  
“Fuck you.”  
“Studies show that ten out of ten people are never nearly done when they say that, how come you haven’t finished yet?”  
“Gee, I wonder, tall, blonde, stupid shades, those are some clues.”  
“You missed out on handsome and sweet ass but I’ll play along. Was it Professor Plum in the library with the candlestick?”  
“No, it’s probably me in your bathroom with the fumes emitted by your noxious ramblings.”  
“Hey, I’ve hardly rambled since we got here, but since you missed them so much …”  
“Don’t you fucking start.”  
“You took a look at what’s in my room when you decided to invade a man’s most private abode, right? I’ll take that as a yes. Let’s take a walk down memory lane, hell; I’ll even hold your fucking hand and shoosh you when you start getting scared of the dark. I’ll even get you some metaphorical ice cream once this is done if you’re a good little lad. Ok, you little shit, look at all those jars. You saw them. Those are dead things. Now, I may not be doing anything to do with biology but I can sure as hell tell you about these little pickles and I’m not talking about the dill in my fridge. Jimmy here is an undeveloped chick, now, I’m not saying that your fried chicken looks like that but keep in mind that it used to. Bit of blood floating around in some shitty, viscous, opaque fluid that makes your stomach go all capoeira style up in this shit. Next one’s actually a little baby, just like you and me, y’see? Now, I know I’m looking at it right now and you definitely aren’t so I’m going to give you a quick little description. It’s definitely a foetus.” I heard the sound of flushing. “All curled up like a fucking cinnamon roll, a cinnamon roll floating in formaldehyde and whatever other shit that goes into these jars. Now, I want you to imagine this cinnamon roll and give it a head, some eye slits, stumpy arms and legs and that there is what I’ve got here.” This elicited a retching noise followed by splashing from inside the bathroom. “Dude, you ok?”  
Karkat mumbled something and I raised an eyebrow in response.  
“Didn’t quite catch that, I’m coming in.”  
“Fuck you” Karkat said weakly.  
“Not until I’m done with this.” I pushed open the door and I saw Karkat kneeling in front of the toilet with his face past the rim of the bowl. “Not looking so hot, need anything?”  
“I’m not feeling so hot either, mind giving me some time?”  
“No problem, anything else?”  
“I want a fucking apology and an acknowledgement that this is your entire fault.”  
“Sorry, man, I don’t get paid enough to even try that, you wanna buy premium for the next month?”  
“Whatever it takes to shut you up.”  
“No can do, born to be free, like some kinda shitty killer whale.” I lowered myself down beside him and rubbed his back. “Feeling better now?”  
“If by better you mean like total horseshit that got eaten by a rabid cow doing a tap-dance in my fucking head, then dandy.” Karkat rasped. Crap, his face had gone pale from the heaving.  
“You ready to stand up? You should probably rinse and drink some water.”  
“Yeah, take it slow, ok?”  
“Will do.” I pushed myself under Karkat’s arm and slowly straightened up, letting him lean against me. We shambled over to the sink and I filled a cup with water using my free hand. “Need any heartburn medication?”  
“Water should be fine.” He mumbled as he tipped his head back to drink.  
“Do you want to sit down for a bit?”  
“I’m about to fucking collapse, maybe that’s a sign.”  
“Heh, you gonna die on me? Not cool to have those as your last words.”  
“How about go fuck yourself, you taint-chafing piece of rejected faecal matter?”  
“I’m gonna have to write that one down. You wanna sit down for a bit? You’re looking a bit, y’know.”  
“Yeah, I get the idea, the mirror doesn’t exactly hide anything.”  
“Wouldn’t be a mirror then, would it? Just a sheet of whatever the fuck that’s lying about.” I walked Karkat over to my bed and sat down with him. “Was that something to do with the food, my stuff, or just a bug?”  
“Might be a combination of the three.” Karkat murmured, his eyes half-closed and his head bowed.  
“We can just sit here for a while, not like we’re missing out on anything, least of all some shitty movie that we can rewatch if we’re feeling really masochistic.”  
“Not a bad idea, didn’t know you had that in you.”  
“They come around from time to time. Do you want to eat something? Like, you just puked your fucking guts out.”  
“Rest first, eating later.” With this said, he collapsed into me, his full weight resting on my shoulder as the top of his head nestled into the crook of my neck.  
I gave his shoulder a squeeze before lowering him so that he lay on the bed. I grabbed a tissue and wiped away some drool around his mouth, he looked kinda relaxed and peaceful. His chest expanded and contracted as he breathed slowly, an occasional weird noise coming from his throat but I rubbed his back until he stopped. I took my shades off and rubbed at my eyes, it was still kinda early in the evening and I hoped that the others were still preoccupied with the movie. I brushed some hair out of Karkat’s face and I was surprised when he turned his head into my hand. I slowly brought it out from under his face and set my shades on the bedside table before lying down with him. Fuck it, my bed, my rules. I kept my back turned towards him, heh, it would almost be worth it to see him freak out when he woke up. But then again, he doesn’t exactly seem like he’s in the mood for my bullshit, you’re lucky that he’s kinda cute.  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys enjoyed that one, I’m working on finishing off this little fic, give me some requests for any situations that you guys want in this universe and I’ll see how I can weave them into canon. As I’m writing this, I’m mentally planning the next (and hopefully final) chapter, I need to take it slow, no sex this quickly, I need to develop relationships and stuff, bluh, I’m a terrible writer. Anyways, thanks, guys!  
> grimBleeper 14.12.15  
> ALSO, BIG SHOUT OUT TO HUNTRA!!!!!!


	5. So Call Me Maybe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Final chapter, nothing too big happens but this part of the story ends and a new one might begin! If I remember correctly, Huntra! Thanks for reminding me to do this, this fic would never have been finished without you and your reminder for me to get off my stupid butt and actually write what was the last 20% of this (chapter i mean, though this chapter is approximately 20% of the fic). Wow, I’m terrible at this commitment thing.

I was awoken by a rumbling in my stomach which screamed of “Hey, dickmuncher! Get the fuck up, we need to eat!” My eyes fluttered open and I turned onto my back to relieve the pressure on my right arm. When I flipped over, my hand hit something hard and I instinctively pulled it back. Everything was still focusing but I made out the outline of another person next to me. I looked up and down the person’s body and I realised I had only brushed against their hip, they were wearing a red and white t-shirt with jeans, his blonde hair was nearly right in front of my face. A burning feeling in my throat told me that I had probably vomited recently. Every other part of my body felt like shit.

“Dude, you finally awake?” Shit, it’s Dave. How am I going to explain this to Terezi?

“What are you doing?” I asked, I didn’t remember him falling asleep next to me, the images of the inside of a toilet bowl were practically my most recent memories.

“Waking up, it’s what people do after taking a nap.”

“No shit, where the fuck am I and why am I here?” I snarled. I sat up and turned towards him.

“You don’t remember?”

“That’s probably the reason why I have to fucking ask you these questions.”

“Yeah, yeah, what do you remember?”

“You telling me about your shitty preserved things, me feeling dizzy as fuck, me vomiting, not much after that.”

“Damn, ok, you remember the part where I said that that was my toilet, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, I took the liberty of rescuing your damsel ass and like the magnificent and righteous host I am, I let you sleep it off”

“Wait, this is your bed? What the fuck? How long was I asleep for?”

“Let’s take this slow because I’m sure as hell that the gears aren’t turning at full efficiency if you catch my drift. Yes, this is my bed. I don’t know what the quote unquote fuck you’re talking about, you were feeling fifty thousand feet under the weather and I let you rest. By my guess, we’ve been out for an hour.”

“Oh.” I guess I didn’t expect him to that kind of thing. “Thanks, I guess.”

“Hey, this is a first, Karkat Vantas being less of a crabby asshole.”

“And I’m regretting ever thanking you in the first place, fuck you.”

“Dude, we took a nap, not nap nap, just a nap.”

“You know what I’m talking about.” I snapped. “I’m seriously wondering if the reason why your gears aren’t cranking is because you clog them with all this bullshit.”

“That’s only one factor in a sea of goddamn reasons, I’m the captain of this submarine, though, it’s me.” He put his hand down on my thigh before quickly moving it away and pushed himself up. “Anyways, you feeling better now?”

“A bit, my head’s pounding like a marching band, though.”

“I get what you mean, need a bit more rest?”

“Fuck you if you think I’m staying for a while longer.”

“Hey, Dave! You’ve been gone for a while and- oh, hi, Karkat!” Jade exclaimed as she walked into view.

“Um” I stammered.

“’Sup Harley?” Dave said nonchalantly.

“Hehe, not much, just checking that you’re still alive.”

“Ok, I’m not going anywhere anytime soon.”

“I’ll leave you two to … whatever you guys are doing. Bye!”

“Yeah, see ya.” Dave raised a hand lazily before turning around to face me. He had either put his shades back on before he turned or was wearing them while sleeping, I’m betting on the latter just because it sounds like something a raging douchemuffin like him would do.

“Um, what was that?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“What did she fucking mean by whatever you guys are doing?”

“No idea what she’s talking about, I took a nap, you took a nap. Shit’s like a day-care or a kindergarten except the supervisor’s gone out the backdoor for a smoke and forgot to come back in. That’s really all there was.“

I raised an eyebrow in return. “Why the hell were you sleeping? Not like you were the one who expelled masticated bread and fat at ungodly and uncomfortable speeds.”

“I was tired and this is still my bed.” He pointed out.

“Do you mind if I take a few minutes to gather my mental faculties so that can comprehend something that should be painfully obvious?”

“Rein ‘em in like a rodeo, man, do whatever you have to.”

“Right” I stretched out the word sarcastically and lay back down before closing my eyes. “Can I ask you some questions?” I faced him while lying down this time.

“Shoot.”

“Why the hell do you keep popping up whenever I’m in the bathroom?”

“Heh, that’s your question?”

“Just answer the fucking question.”

“I’m tempted to say it’s a gift, like I’m some sort of bathroom genie who gets summoned by only the pissiest and shittiest people but that would be a bit of a stretch.”

“Yeah, right.” I muttered under my breath.

“Shoosh, I’ve got a story to tell. Since you’re such an impatient little shit, however, I’m going to give you the abridged version. You wandered off for a while and I was wondering where you fucked off to.”

“Why would you care?”

“I did have some choice words to espouse about the quality of the new Fantastic Four movie but you weren’t there. Also, I live here, I do what I want.”

“And barging in on your guests while they’re on the shitter falls under the purview of a host? Great.”

“No, but rescuing little Karkitties when they’re sick is.”

“Don’t call me that.”

“You gonna give me a reason or do I have to keep giving you shitty nicknames until you crack and all your explanations just start flowing?”

“Just leave it.”

“Fine, anyways, back to the point, you got sick and I happened to be your guardian angel.”

“Some guardian angel you are, taking the opportunity to get all up in my face.”

“How the hell did I get up in your face? I get that the bed’s not exactly for two people, but it wasn’t like you were going to smash your nose into the back of my head if you turned.”

“Hmmph, moving on, do you sleep with your shades on or off?”

“Are you fucking kidding me?”

“No.”

“Fine, I keep ‘em on.”

“Weirdo, why the fuck would you do that?”

“My eyes are kinda sensitive and I don’t want to wake up only to clench my eyes shut for the next twenty fucking minutes as flashing patches pass through and around my vision like an ant digging tunnels.”

“What do you mean by sensitive?”

“Sensitive’s sensitive, you look at bright lights and you go fuck, that’s bright, I look at something which is well-lit to you guys and everything kinda goes blank for a bit for me. That’s why I keep the shades on.”

“And that’s all?”

“Yeah.”

I kept silent for a bit while my headache slowly subsided. Suddenly, I was coughing because of something hitching in my throat. Dave bent over me and started rubbing my back until I was done with my fit.

“You ok now?”

“Yeah, thanks.” I tucked my head down to hide the blush that was creeping on my face. Luckily his head was somewhere behind mine. He shifted his body closer to mine and I leaned closer without thinking, my cheek resting next to his ribcage. It was kinda warm and I didn’t care. He moved his hand up to my head and started stroking my hair but I was still too headachy to get pissed at him further. We stayed like this for a while before I realised that I was making some kind of cross between humming and purring. There was still a dull ache somewhere in the back of my head but I didn’t feel like keeling over at any moment anymore. “You, you can let go of me now.”

“Hm?” It sounded like I had just snapped him out of a trance. “Oh, uh, yeah.”

“What was all that about?”

“Sorry, you didn’t seem to mind it so I guess I just kept going.” He wasn’t wrong on this front. “Started off with me just trying to help with the coughing fit but y’know, you needed some rest and I guess this was the first thing that popped into my mind.”

“Mhm, do you want to go back to the others now, I’m feeling better.”

“Uh, yeah, sure.”

When I got off the bed, the world started tipping but I was already leaning against the wall. “Fuck.” I muttered.

“Are you sure that you’re ready?” Dave asked from beside me.

I didn’t even hear him get there. “Yeah, you mind if I, y’know…” I trailed off.

“No problem.” He wrapped his arm around my shoulders and we awkwardly shuffled back to the living room. We made a stop at the bathroom on the way. “Just saying, this is where you want to go next time.”

“I’ll try to remember that.”

“Hey, if you have to go and somehow mine is better then go for it, just y’know, don’t collapse on me.”

“Not going to croak unless you’re fucking telling me to reverse the flow of my shit.”

“Fair enough, c’mon.”

We continued hobbling and eventually we made our way there where only Terezi, John, and Jade waved or smiled to acknowledge our return. It felt like an eternity in those fleeting moments, I could feel Dave’s arm supporting my waist just in case I fell back too hard and I could feel myself clinging onto him for the same reasons. My cheek rested against his shoulder and the soft fabric of his shirt made it so much easier to keep it there. His chin was almost on top of my head. This illusion broke when Terezi took one look at me and decided to pester Dave about it. I didn’t pay much attention, I just held onto Dave and let the world pass by me. Though I was somewhat hungry, I somehow found myself with my face against Dave’s chest, feeling his heartbeat and how it pulsed through my body as well as his. The steady beat lulled me into a meditative trance but I was content to just listen. I must have spent some amount of time doing this because I woke up later when Terezi shook my shoulder.

\---

“Hey, Karkles, get up.”

“Hmm? What is it?” I said as I startled awake. My eyes swept up from Dave to Terezi, Dave grunted quietly when the back of my head rubbed against his ribcage.

While Terezi had a smile on her face, it wasn’t her usual gleefully savage one, instead it was comforting and warm. “You’ve been out for a while. Are you going to be ok?”

“Yeah, I should be fine now.”

“That’s what Dave told me while you were sleeping, just needed to check back on you.” She explained. “I’ll see you later, nerds.” She said softly, rustling my hair before messing with Dave’s and then getting up to leave with Vriska.

I glimpsed Vriska kissing Terezi’s forehead before they linked arms and left. John was talking with Kanaya, Rose, and Sollux in the kitchen while Jade had fallen asleep on the couch, curled up and snoring softly.

“Hey, how are you doing now?” Dave whispered.

“I’m fine.”

“Good to hear, I almost thought that I would have to be stuck under you all night.”

“Could’ve shoved me off.”

“My place, my rules, if I come over to your place then maybe I’ll push you around if you fall asleep but that isn’t happening over here, house rule number twenty two.”

“What, moving sleeping people?”

“Well, it’s more like disturbing the sleeping, sleep is serious business.”

“I’m ok with that rule. Headache’s gone.”

“That’s nice. Do you need something to eat? We can reheat the pizza.”

“Yeah, my stomach’s kinda screaming at me.”

“C”mon, get up.”

I rolled over slowly before propping myself up with an elbow. Everything was oddly bright but that was better than just having everything go dark when I was close to fainting. I walked over to the kitchen counter and just sat in a stool with my head resting against my crossed arms.

“Hey, KK, what happened?” Sollux asked.

“Felt like someone decided to fuck me through the brain with a spike coated battering ram.”

“Seeing as how you can come up with something like that, I’m going to guess that you’re fine.”

“Fucking hungry but nothing else.”

“Yeah, sure. I’m heading back to my room, you ok to go back on your own?”

“I’m not two, Sollux; I think I can handle some goddamned stairs without doing some chain somersaults before landing in a heap of limbs.”

“Right, hey Dave.” Sollux called over his shoulder.

“’Sup?”

“I’m going back, you make sure that Karkat makes his way there in one piece.”

“I doubt he can get lost twice in the same day but sure.”

“Twice? Heh, you’re going to have to tell me this story later, I’ve got some stuff to do.”

“I’ll see you in a few.”

“Yeah, bye.” Sollux grabbed his laptop and strolled out the door. He walked with an ease that seemed strange to me until I realised that it was only relative, anyone would look like the epitome of balance when compared to my shot senses.

Kanaya pulled up next to me and folded her hands in her lap. “Karkat, would you please explain your temporary absence?”

“Got lost then got sick.”

“I see, might I ask about what you got lost doing.”

“Toilet.” I mumbled.

“I will not be able to understand your speech if you insist on speaking into your sleeves, Karkat.”

“Got lost looking for the toilet.” I admitted after lifting my head from the table.

“And how did you get sick?” “Dave was talking about his dead animals and the stuff in the jars and I lost my lunch along with whatever dignity I had.”

“Ah, yes, Rose has mentioned those before. I, however, have yet to see them. I suppose you have an aversion to such memorabilia?”

“It’s just so fucking weird. I only really started feeling sick when he started comparing it to food and describing it in detail. Fuck, who the hell even does that?”

“Him, evidently. May I assume that you are feeling well enough now because you have returned?”

“Yeah, I should be fine.”

“Are you sure? I don’t want you vomiting or collapsing, is there anything I can do to help?”

“Really, I’m fine, just … do your thing, I’m going to be ok.” I smiled to give off a healthy image, I probably looked like someone who was about to fall apart, though.

Kanaya sighed “You’re not a very convincing actor, what’s wrong?”

“Just feeling a bit hungry, stomach’s trying to bore a hole through my body but I’m getting something to eat, should be fine.”

“I hope so. Why were you away for so long? You were sick but you spent approximately one hour there even if we assume that finding your way to the restroom took a substantial amount of time.”

“Dave let me sleep it off, I’m kinda sorta better now.”

“From what I have heard from Rose, I should be slightly worried, I’m going to ask again, are you ok?” she asked concernedly with emphasis on the you.

“He isn’t a total douchebag if that’s what you’re asking, he’s infuriating and his stupid ass keeps interfering but he’s no, y’know, doing it because he’s out to ruin my fucking life, it might just be how he is.”

“If you say so. Anyways, it is getting late and I do have some sleep to catch before embark on whatever proverbial journeys await me in the far future of tomorrow. Once again, I hope you feel better soon.” She patted me on the shoulder before getting up.

“Hmph, thanks, Kanaya.” I let my head sink back forward into my folded arms until Dave started poking me.

“Sloppy seconds are ready. Also, don’t even think about getting your forty winks on the counter, I swear that I’ll bring out the air-horn once it hits thirty nine.” He said as he slid the plate over to me.

“Don’t start with that horseshit, you start brapping that piece of crap and I will release a deluge of fuck you so vicious that it’ll bring down the ceiling.”

Dave wordlessly held up his hands in mock surrender before wandering off to start cleaning up bits and pieces of trash lying around. The bright lights were still a bit disorienting but the fuzzy feeling in my head became more watered down as my stomach filled. Once I finished, Dave ruffled my head from behind and I turned and shoved my head upwards as hard as I could to buck the offending hand off. “Chill, it’s just me; you ok to get going, now?”

“Yeah.” While the walk was uneventful, my head went back to hazy when I stood up, I kept my head bowed but I didn’t sway too violently.

“Hey, get well soon, you understand me?”

“Without all those shitty analogies that you seem to throw in every two words? Yeah, pretty straightforward.”

“Cool, hold out your hand.”

“And why would I do that?”

“Just do it, trust me.”

“Fine.”

“There.” he placed a folded slip of paper in my hand “Now get some rest, today was a shitfest of a day and we’ll talk about it later.” He turned away and raised a hand in farewell but didn’t look back to check if I returned the gesture.

\---

When I woke up, I rolled onto my back and rubbed at my closed eyelids with the back of my arm. My head felt a hell of a lot better even though there was still residual buzzing somewhere in my head. There was a note on my bedside table which I remembered past me had put there for present me. _pesterchums turntechGodhead ill see you at work._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Send me some ideas, I might be a bit slow and really inconsistent but there is definitely a chance that I might follow some suggestions! I’ll probably write some scourge sisters otherwise because that ship is just beautiful.


	6. If I Had You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Act 2- If I Had You  
> This one’s a direct continuation to Call Me Maybe, now that we’ve established how Dave and Karkat meet, time to explore their relationship in this AU.

I twirled the pen around my fingers idly as I waited for the rest of my classmates to get to class. My other hand tapped a frantic beat on my thigh and I nodded along to it while my mind slowly glazed over. There was still a good half hour until class started so it wasn’t surprising that Sollux was the only other person here. He spun his coffee cup around and around while clicking rapidly with his other hand, probably keeping up with the statuses of the myriad of websites that he helped to maintain. His job was pretty much to be the fatass security guard behind the surveillance cameras at a shopping mall, well, with the exception that he was nothing like Paul Blart; segways and moustaches just didn’t work on Sollux. His favoured comparison was that it was like looking through compound eyes at multiple angles of the internet.   
I opened Pesterchum and saw that a few names weren’t greyed out so I double clicked tentacleTherapist, ugh, I supposed that it was time to speak with her. That’s probably better than sitting around doing jack-all.

TG: hey rose  
TT: Good day, dearest brother.  
TG: don’t start with that shit  
TT: I have no idea what “shit” you’re speaking about.  
TG: fine whats up in the world of flighty broads  
TT: This particular flighty broad is finishing up on her breakfast, how about the insufferable prick?  
TG: as usual  
TG: swimming in bitches and their fine asses  
TG: like a sea of plush rumps  
TT: Has the ocean of buttcheeks become so mundane that you are now pestering me?  
TT: Is dat ass no longer sufficient to command your attention?  
TG: you know ill never get sick of it  
TG: one might even say that i could never give them up  
TG: never let them down  
TG: never run around  
TG: and desert you  
TG: anyways  
TG: what do you know about dates  
TT: I am familiar with this social convention; you’re planning one between you and Karkat?  
TG: i would ask how you knew that but its kinda obvious  
TT: Evidently not as obvious as how to plan a date.  
TG: no  
TT: For you.  
TG: fuck you  
TG: its like the hardest shit up here  
TG: like hades went up to his golden throne and grunted until a nugget of diamond came out  
TG: and cerberus tried to steal it and broke all its teeth   
TG: and persephone went thats some exceptionally solid faecal matter  
TG: all in ancient greek of course  
TT: It couldn’t have happened any other way.  
TT: How terrible would it be for the Archaic Hellenites if we desecrated their theogonies?  
TG: then you catch my drift  
TT: You’re constipated and require laxatives.  
TG: what  
TG: no  
TT: Denial is the first step towards acceptance.  
TG: fuck no  
TT: Open your mind and relax your intestines, you’ll feel better soon. Trust me.  
TG: hell fucking no  
TG: fine  
TG: i want help planning a date with Karkat  
TG: and im serious this time  
TG: like the amount of bovine coprolites is way below and beyond zero  
TT: Since you asked so nicely, do you have any ideas of what Karkat’s preferred form of recreation is?  
TG: hes mentioned something about rom coms  
TT: Then that should be an easy spot to start on.  
TG: take him to the movies  
TG: i can do that  
TT: And I have absolute faith in your ability to pick something in accordance with his tastes  
\---  
Class passed by like a leaf on the wind, the teacher assigned us some group project on animation and by the time that class ended, Sollux and I each had a different take on a simple little countdown. He had gone for a grid of red hexagons with blue outlines which had the hexagons glow to form the numbers while I had cobbled together a little piece where the numbers moved in a blur onto the screen and then off again. Classwork and homework was a formality of sorts when whatever we were given was this much of a cakewalk. I split up with Sollux after class when he went back to the dorms and I moved over to the coffee shop to begin my shift. Having Karkat there as a new addition was fine and good, the workload was easily handled by John and I but Karkat had a knack for keeping Eridan silent when he was around. Karkat still wasn’t the best with handling people or actually making the coffee but he didn’t have the experience we did.  
When I got to the store, Karkat was already behind the counter, black apron secured tightly around his waist and arms crossed in front of his chest with his fingers digging into his palms. His discomfort was clear on his face so I decided to help him out despite the fact that watching him suffer through this would definitely be funny.  
I waved to the unfortunate customer that was dealing with Karkat. “Hey, I’ll be up in a minute, if you don’t want to order from shouty then I’ll be happy to help. He’s still learning the ropes.”  
“Fuck you, Strider. My ropes are completely and totally analysed and understood.” He raised his middle finger in response and I only gave him a thumbs up.  
I shrugged on the apron in the backroom before running my hands through my hair to make sure that it was out of my face. It probably wasn’t perfect but leaving a loyal customer with Karkat was probably a higher priority problem than my own hair. For now. I walked up beside Karkat and unlocked the register.  
“Hey, second line’s now open.” I called and nearly all of Karkat’s queue shuffled over to mine. I could see Karkat glare at me and I smiled in return.   
“Dave,” Eridan said “it looks like that you have enough on your plate, I’ll deal with coaching Kar.”  
“No problem.” I replied.  
“I don’t need your advice, Ampora.” Karkat growled.  
“Until you can speak to a customer in a cordial and friendly fashion like Dave and John, you’re going to take my advice if you want to keep working here. Also, Dave, stop listening to us, you’ve got a job to do.”  
“Will do, boss.” I turned back to the first person in line. “Hey, how’s it going?”  
“To tell the truth, I was feeling a bit nervous about, uh, Karkat.”  
“He’ll get better at not being a total douchebag soon, so what do you want to get?”  
“I’m sure you’re right, can I get a medium cappuccino?”  
“Yeah, coming right up.” I fell back into the rhythm of service, small talk flowed into the order which switched up the beat where I bounced back and forth to make their drink and then slowed down as I passed the package to John. It would then loop back into the first step with the next customer, a continuous song with only minor variations whenever it was played. Throughout the few hours when I worked, Eridan patiently showed Karkat how to limit his swearing and John laughed along with the stories that the customers were telling. Eridan had to go out into the backroom a few times after becoming too annoyed at Karkat and it his swearing as he stormed off was suitably ironic. It was a good day, overall, easy stuff. Now comes the hard part. After saying bye to John, I walked up to Karkat.  
“Hey, Karkat. You ok now?” I asked.  
“Yeah, fine.” He replied.  
“Cool. It’s just that you didn’t pester me or anything. Not that I was completely expecting you to.”  
“I was close enough to ok that I didn’t have to tell you that my ghost was going to haunt you forever.” He dismissed.  
“Sure, are you doing anything tonight?” Here comes the hard bit. Doesn’t really take too much effort to ask about his wellbeing because it’s just like talking to a customer. Leading the topic of conversation itself? Whole ‘nother ball game.   
“No. Are you suggesting that you want to do something?” He looked at me with narrowed eyes, he’s probably thinking that I’m going to trap him in another toilet and that’s fine, I guess. I certainly wouldn’t be too keen on that but I don’t think I’ve got a clue about what’s on his mind.  
“Yeah, do you wanna go out? See a movie or something?” I suggested.  
His shoulders dropped and his fists unclenched like he suddenly didn’t need to punch me anymore. “Sounds good as long as you’re not going to be a total dickwad about it. Are we going now?”  
“If you want.”  
“Fucking hell, you should’ve told me this earlier.”  
“I would’ve but you never contacted me.”  
“You could’ve asked Sollux.” He pointed out.  
“I’m not in the mood to act all stalkerish, would you have accepted knowing that I gave you my contact details and then gone behind your back to find out everything about you?”  
“Not a chance in hell.”  
“Exactly, shit would be like ordering a burger and then sneaking behind the corner to check the freshness of the ingredients and the résumés of the workers before breaking into a state department to check medical records of their close families and their pets.”  
“Are you fucking done yet?” He crossed his arms impatiently and pouted.  
“Only if you’re ready to move.” I offered a hand to him.  
He promptly slapped it and walked past me. “I was ready from the moment that I agreed, I was just waiting for you to shut your dumb face.”  
I let myself smile as I followed him out the door. “So what do you want to get?”  
“You didn’t even commit the fucking brainpower to planning this? Ugh, what the fuck have I gotten into?”  
\---  
I peered over the menu at Karkat as he read through the potential selections. “Have you picked one yet?” I asked as I poured tea into his cup.  
“Yeah.” He answered without meeting my gaze.  
“Yo, waiter.” I called.  
An Asian man arrived at our table with a pen poised over his notepad. “What would you like to order?”  
“I’ll have the combination crispy noodles, Karkat?”  
“Can I get half a plate of sweet and sour pork and half a plate of fried rice?”  
“Of course, it’ll cost you as much as a full plate of the sweet and sour pork, though? Are you sure?”  
“Yeah, fine.”  
“So that’s one combination crispy noodles and one sweet and sour pork with fried rice?”  
“Yeah.” I confirmed. “Hey, Karkat.”  
“What?”  
“Just wanted to ask some questions, what course are you taking?”  
“Biochemistry.”  
“Are you kidding me?”  
“What the fuck are you trying to say by that?” An elderly woman at another table glared irately at Karkat.  
“You got sick when I talked to you about some preserved animals, how do you get through the biology part of biochemistry?”  
“I’m a biochemist, not some fucking savage which guzzles chickens foetuses whole. I study how living things react, I couldn’t give less of a fuck about what happened to them after they’re dead.” He crossed his arms and scowled at me but damn if that mental image isn’t funny and I inwardly grin at it.  
“Fair enough, what made you pick biochemistry?”  
“Why the fuck are you asking me this?”  
“It’s a date, standard procedure is to make small talk, do the chatty thing.” At least I hoped it was, it’d be kinda awkward if it wasn’t.  
“Fine, it’s just something I like the idea of.”  
“Really? That’s all?”  
“Should I be worried if I can’t tell if you’re fucking with me or if this is just what comes to you?”  
“Maybe you should be, worrying keeps you on your feet.”  
“Yeah, instead of in your arms swooning like a damsel rescued from distress.”  
“So you want me to comfort you, you want my sweet assurances that you’ll be taken care of?” I whispered as I leaned forwards.  
“Keep dreaming, Strider. In fact, tonight, go the fuck to sleep and don’t wake up.”  
“In that case, I’ll wait for my Prince Charming to wake me up.”  
“Congratulations, the only thing you’ve cemented in my mind about you is that you’re a Disney princess. Scratch that, you’re the gayest Disney prince.”  
“I’d wear a dress for you, hell, I’d go in a full blown ball gown.”  
“The only full blown ball anything you’re getting is a basketball to the head when you come within thirty feet of me.”  
“Fuck, you wound me, dear sir. I could totally rock a dress, put on my high heels and makeup, it would be like prom except it’s only to show off my sweet ass and I’m way within thirty feet of you already. Should I get my eyes checked if I’m not seeing balls of any kind being thrown at me?.”  
“Maybe if you took your fucking shades off.”  
“No can do.” I pushed my glasses up the bridge of my nose. “Stays on just like my swag.”  
“Something which I can easily say that I have never seen.”  
“Pssh, it’s totally something which exists, how else did I get you to go out with me?”  
“You’re asking me?” He pointed at me accusingly. “I have no fucking idea of what took over my mind and decided that coming here was a good idea because my brain obviously doesn’t understand the concept of rationality or reasoning.”  
“Exactly, swag.”  
“No, you can take your stupid swag and shove it up your ass.”  
“Wouldn’t fit, it oozes from my pores, it flows where I go, you can’t even begin to comprehend how I have to constantly emit it.”  
“I’m looking at you right now and I can definitely inform you that it’s just your overwhelming douchiness.”  
“No way.”  
“Yes way, you’re just a fucking douche.”  
“Nope, one hundred percent awesome.”  
“You’re also completely delusional.”  
“You just can’t see what I see.”  
“That’s pretty much the definition of psychosis.”  
“You know what I’m seeing right now?” I smiled at him.  
“No, I don’t know what you think you’re seeing right now.”   
“I’m seeing a hot piece of ass that’s too damn fucking cute and won’t even see it.”  
I watched Karkat blush and look to the side. “You’re completely crazy.” He muttered.  
“Crazy for you.” I admitted. I waited for Karkat to retort but he kept averting his gaze. I don’t know, did I go too far, was I too forward? “Are you ok?”  
“This isn’t some elaborate shitty joke, is it?”  
“Doing my best to be completely genuine. You might not be able to see but my heart is crucified and my death wishes are solidified should I intentionally mislead you on how I actually like you.”  
“And then you go ahead and say something like that, killing the fucking mood.” He mumbled. “I guess you’re a decent person.”  
“Is that really all you have to say?”  
“I’ll reserve my judgement for when you inevitably fuck up badly enough.” He snapped.  
I grinned back. “If.”  
The waiter set our food down and backed away as quickly as he arrived.  
“What qualifies as me fucking up?” I asked.  
“If you act exceptionally and extraordinarily like a piece of shit.”  
“Real clear, I’m getting a really good idea of what not to do now.”  
“What the fuck’s crossing your mind now.”  
“That I should avoid coming out of your ass.” He threw a salt shaker at me but I caught it and set it back down. “Just kidding, calm down.”  
Shit, he looks like he’s going to flip this table at me. But Karkat gave me one final glare before bringing his cup of tea to his lips and downing it like a shot. “I will fucking kick your ass if you keep being such an asshole.”  
“Alright, alright.” I held my hands up diplomatically. “Just relax, I’m not going to go that far again, I promise.”  
“Just eat your fucking food.”  
He picked at his food before diving into it, he eats messily and he ended up finishing slower than I did because he had to spend so much more time dabbing at his mouth with a tissue. I sipped my tea and watched him as I waited. I poured some more tea into his cup before refilling mine. It seems like he does everything angrily, well, except for sleep and be tired, is it even possible for someone to do that? He probably could if he was pissed off enough.  
“Are you done yet?” I asked.  
“Yeah.” He frowned at the ring of moisture that his cup left on the table before wiping it away. Honestly, it’s kinda cute how he just rushes everything and then deals with it later, even if it’s as small as eating and drinking.  
I paid for the food at the counter despite Karkat’s insistence that he pay for his portion. I shut him up by moving a hand to the back of his head and kissing his forehead. He stayed silent for the walk to the movie theatre, only piping up when we had to buy tickets.  
\---  
“This movie sucks ass.” I whispered to Karkat as the protagonist engaged in sloppy make outs with the deuteragonist on-screen.   
“Shut up, this is definitely one of the best movies this season.” He hissed back. “Learn to appreciate it instead of commenting every five seconds.”  
“But it’s so bad, why the hell was he even here, didn’t he say that he had to go to work to his friend? Y’know, the one with the shitty fedora?” I asked.  
“They skipped forward a bit in the day.”  
“Bad movie, worst cuts. How is this even remotely making sense to you??”  
Karkat punched me in the shoulder. “Because you don’t pay enough attention to it. Shut your fucking mouth and watch the goddamned movie.”  
“It’s still terrible.”  
“You didn’t have a fucking plan for this date so I stepped up and actually did something about it.”  
“Why do you even want to watch this?”   
“Maybe because I like watching movies.”  
“Even these sappy and shitty ones?”  
“They’re not sappy and shitty, they’re genuinely emotional.” He argued.  
“About as genuine as Tavros’ confidence.”  
“Jesus fuck, shut up and watch.”  
His muffled swearing made the corner of my mouth quirk up but I kept it from going into a grin. I looked over at Karkat as he stared intently at the screen. He seemed to blink much more rarely but it only made it easier to focus on his eyelashes as they fluttered open and closed. His lips were slightly parted and I caught a glimpse of his teeth, sometimes he would move his lips along with whatever the characters were saying on the screen. I almost zoned out while watching his every action, staring at him had just completely encompassed my mind. His quiets sobs broke me from this trance as the protagonist comforted the deuteragonist on-screen, tiny rivulets of tears came from his eyes as his body shook slightly. I wrapped an arm around his shoulder and hugged him towards me. He leant his head onto my shoulder while I rested my head on his. Even when the movie progressed onwards to another scene, he made no action to wriggle out from underneath me so I rubbed his arm comfortingly. He fidgeted a bit, turning his head slightly before going slack again.  
\---  
The monochrome credits started rolling as a love song from a decade ago started playing. The scarce few moviegoers were already getting up to leave. “I guess that was a pretty good movie.” I commented. It really wasn’t but being with Karkat was totally worth every minute.  
“Yes, exactly, what did I say?” Karkat said triumphantly.  
“Something, something, genuinely emotional.”  
“Damn fucking straight. The sheer quality of it was completely undeniable.”  
“Heh, it really was something.” I chuckled. “Didn’t realise that you would get all weepy at it.”  
“So what if I have the capacity to feel emotions? Newsflash, assface, it’s something that normal people have.”  
“Yeah, sure. C’mon, get up.” We rose and made our way up the dark aisle back towards the lobby. “That was pretty much the last thing on my list. Do you want to do anything else?”  
“Two things.”  
“Let’s hear ‘em.”  
“One, you have the shittiest planning skills.”  
“I’ll freely admit that, what’s the second.”  
“Oh my fucking god, Strider. Shut your dickmunching syllable orifice and listen for once.”  
“Shut and sealed.” I mimed a zipping action over my lips.  
“Fuck you. I’ll tell you about the second once we get back to the dorms.”  
“You’re killing me here with the suspense.”  
“We haven’t even fucking started to move yet and you’re already starting with the bitching.”  
We walked in silence back to our building, Karkat walked kinda stiffly, his elbows sticking out rigidly at an angle and his hands stuffed into the pockets of his pants. He walked with a bit of a slouch but it probably wasn’t as pronounced as mine. Even though it was a warm summer evening, he insisted on keeping his sweater on and the beads of perspiration on his face were clearly evident. I followed him up the stairs until we stood outside his room.   
“How was it for a first date?” I asked. “I completely get it if you think I’m some incompetent douche who can’t get his fucking shit together.”  
“Like I said before, shut the fuck up. Right now, I don’t know whether to like you because I had a good time with you, especially at the movies. But then you ruin those moments with your shitty questions and your inability to form a coherent sequence of events for a simple fucking date.”  
I raised an eyebrow at him.  
“Fuck you, put that back down.”  
“Fine but one last thing before you give your final verdict.”  
“What?”  
I was already in motion, cupping his face as I leant down to kiss him tenderly. His eyes widened suddenly before dipping into a half-closed position and I followed suit. His lips were soft and slightly wet and I found myself pushing forward into him. Damn, he smelled good. Unconsciously, I made a low rumbling sound in my throat as I slowly backed him against the wall. I let him thread his fingers through mine and he gripped my hand tightly as he tilted his head up to apply further pressure. I felt his lips parting softly so I pulled back and smoothed down my shirt while he stood up straight.   
“Just that.” I whispered.  
“I think that you’re not half bad.” He gasped, out of breath.  
“Guessing that that’s the highest compliment I’m getting out of you, so thanks.”  
“For a total asshole.” He finished.  
I let myself smile genuinely at this. “Hey, you either take all of me or none of it, half-assing this isn’t a thing that’s happening.”  
“What about your quarter buttocked first date plan?”  
“Doesn’t count.”  
“Says who.”  
“Says me.”  
“You’re a total dork.”  
“And so are you.”  
“Nah, I’m one hundred percent cool, you’ll see.”  
“You’re cool in the way that a kitten is, you’re so dumb that it’s too endearing to ignore.”  
“So you’re admitting that I’m cool.”  
He rolls his eyes. “No, I’m saying that you have a dumb face.”  
“A dumb face that you find cute.”  
“I’m taking the blame for falling for such an idiot, happy now?”  
“As a cat with a yarn ball.”  
“You’re totally the highest degree of dork.” He pecked me on the lips. “I thought the date was fine, definitely better than I expected.”  
“What did you expect, surely you couldn’t have extracted any clues from my airtight plans.”  
“I barely expected anything. I don’t trust you or your testicle throttling think pan to formulate anything resembling whatever you intended.”  
“Crap, those words really sting, y’know, put a little trust in me.”  
“Until I can get over the fact that you’re the douchiest person I have the displeasure of knowing, that’s not happening. I’ll see you tomorrow.”  
“Yeah, sure.”  
He went into his room and I started climbing the stairs. All things considered, this was remarkably successful. He was right, of course, there weren’t any real expectations of this from the beginning, just a snap decision. But it turned out all right, I got to hang out with a cute guy who was fun to talk to and even more fun to watch. A learning experience, I suppose.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anyways, I’m back and ready to write, I hope that you enjoy this, and Huntra, I hope you realise how guilty you made me feel when you posted that comment about wanting that fic to continue, dammit, why do I keep listening to you? But seriously, thanks for the support.  
> Also, the reason why I’m so late with this is because I spent a ridiculously large amount reading fanfics instead of writing. Yes, I’m a bad person but the best I can do is recommend the two best ones and they were Hopeless and Heartless, and Redux3. These are definitely the cream of the crop, the best of the bunch, very immersive and emotional writing styles which just envelope you in their compelling universes and exceptionally written characters.

**Author's Note:**

> This took a bit longer than I expected to write but I generally had fun, I should probably focus more on writing than some other things but being distracted is serious business. Anyways, it’s not over, next chapter will be Karkat’s perspective and let’s just hope that I can stick with his perspective instead of f**king up and switching back to Dave’s. For those who care about continuums and AUs, this one will be a kind college/university –stuck, when I get an idea, I’ll try to fit it into the bigger picture, it’ll probably be a bunch of loose scenes strung together, don’t get your hopes up on something which makes sense and doesn’t timelinef**k itself over though. This one should be before The Last Night and explains how Dave met Karkat, I’m hoping for a mutual crush situation but neither acts on it so when it gets to The Last Night, they’re still just friends. I'm not sure about how to tag things but it is quite amusing that there are seperate tags for both Dave and Karkat swearing.


End file.
